Maybe, just maybe, calling today’s post a true “testimony” is a little bit of a stretch. Perhaps I should call it more of a rambling… a stream of consciousness, if you will. Although, even that isn’t a proper term. Because what this really is, what I was truly called to write today, is a thank you letter.
Yes, you read that right. Today’s testimony is, rather simply, a thank you letter.
I’ve felt so called lately to listen. And by lately, I really mean for the past several years. As I’ve been aching to move on, move forward, everything has told me – or, in some cases, forced me to – slow down, be still, and open my ears and heart to what the Lord was trying to tell me. Sometimes, particularly at the beginning, it was listening to Him tell me what He wanted me to do. Other times, more recently, it’s been Him trying to show me why.
I’m humbled, embarrassed, and elated to say that finally, finally, I did just that. I listened. Maybe it was because I’ve hit the two-year mark since jumping into full-time adult life (aka, graduating) and that’s hit me in ways I could never imagine, or maybe it’s something I can’t even fathom, or maybe it’s literally just me listening to Your beckoning and obeying. Whatever it is, I finally listened.
And all that I can think to say in response, Lord, is “thank you.”
Thank you, Lord.
Thank you for calling me to dwell in the desert a little longer, even though I had the opportunity and a nagging desire to go elsewhere. Thank you for putting me in the internship that became my full-time position and for showing me that this was not just something I did for a desire to be comfortable and secure. You brought it to me as something that was exciting, a goal to work towards, a job I love. That, I’ve realized, was You offering me an opportunity for growth, for learning, and for forging relationships that I otherwise would have missed out on.
Thank you for keeping me close to my family, immediate and extended. It was so, so needed these past two years, in both the best ways and the worst.
Thank you for pulling me further into the church, further into a relationship with You. I admit that I falter here sometimes. I prioritize earthly duties and desires over the spiritual obligation of attendance, but I know that You are beside me even in those times. I know that now because of the way You brought me back. I know that straying for a week, a month, a year, does not mean I’m lost. You love us all, You love me always.
I’ve said this one a million and ten times, but thank you for the boy and for every wonderful, glorious thing that has happened because of him. Thank you for giving me an everyday example of the person I long to be, through the person I most wish to be that for.
Thank you for giving me a newfound appreciation for the city I call home. I fallen in love the way the mountains look when painted against your purple night sky. I have learned to appreciate the smell of the creosote after a rainstorm even more than I did when we first moved here, all those years ago. I have grown to appreciate the grid of the wide streets and avenues, an the eccentricities of them, like how the east valley stops numbering and Grand Avenue cuts up the squares with its diagonal direction.
Thank you for the courage to start this blog and an outlet to proclaim my love for You and my lessons along the way. Thank you for helping me grasp at what is still a murky balance of finding myself and finding my faith, and for reminding me again that mistakes are always okay. Just learn from them.
Lord, I’ve learned so much in the past two years and I don’t think I would have had I hopped on a plane to Boston right away. I’m so thankful for the opportunity you gave me to stay here, even if I questioned that.
So, okay. Maybe this wasn’t a true testimony… but then again, maybe it really was. Because Your hand is so clear to me now, Your presence throughout all of this.
I am so humbled, and so grateful.