It seems that everybody has a 5 year plan, and we are no different. We spent some time talking about our plan when we were driving back from California, a place that we both adore and would love to live in one day. In fact, that, in a nutshell, is what we discussed: where we would go.
The boy loves San Diego, and I like just about any place west of the Arizona border. I wouldn’t mind if we were in Northern or Southern – I’m a California girl at heart and I’ve come to the official conclusion that I always will be. That said, I’m from the North. I was born in Sacramento, where my dad still lives, but the majority of the family is in the wine country, and it’s there that I think of when I think of “home.”
So, needless to say, when the boy said that he thinks it would make the most sense for us to move there, so we could be close to family, my heart swelled. I may have cried a little behind my mirrored sunglasses. I don’t know if it’s possible for me to love him more than I did in that moment (although, I’m sure I’ll get proven wrong about that).
That said, it makes my heart so happy and hopeful to know that we are on the same page about where we’d like to end up. Even if it’s not in five years exactly, or even if it never actually happens, having that sort of synergy with someone is an incredible feeling.
And I’m so thankful to the Lord for bringing the boy to me.
The thing is, I could have left right after college. I could have ignored what I felt God was truly calling me to do – that is, to stay planted – and run after a job opportunity across the country. And for a while, after choosing to stay in Phoenix, I wondered if I was actually going against God’s will. I questioned if I actually stayed because it was comfortable, if I was just too scared to take the leap.
It was an uncomfortable place to be, to be frank. I felt like God’s reasons for keeping me in Phoenix were unclear. Sure, it was great to be close to my mom, and I found a church community that I loved. But I also felt sort of stuck, and disappointed in myself for not being the girl who left after college, like I always thought I would.
And then I met the boy.
Now, I know that sounds kind of lovesick and I’m not afraid to admit that it probably is. But I was really cautious at first. I was so scared of getting hurt again, but the Lord made it so easy to see exactly why opening my heart to the boy was the right choice. The Lord even gave me the opportunity to look at what “could have been” had I made some different choices in that time, and I have to say that I’m so thankful for that too. I’m a bad “what if”-er, and the Father knew that. I know that’s why he gave me the chance to see, even for a day, what could have happened had I made a different choice.
I’m so thankful that I didn’t.
Looking back, it’s so easy to see that God kept me in Phoenix to meet the boy. It’s so clear to me now, but that’s how perspective often is, isn’t it? I was clearly meant to grow roots here, at least for now. That growth has gone beyond my relationship, though, and extended to my family, my career, my finances, even my relationship with the Lord Himself. I’m so thankful that I listened to His calling. I’m so grateful that I stayed.
That said, that’s really what the 5 year plan is, too. Sure, we have an idea of where we want to go, but I also wanted to end up on the East Coast or across the pond as soon as I could after throwing my graduation cap in the air. And yet, here I am: happier and healthier than I’ve ever been. I have Him to thank for that and no one else, and I know that if we trust in Him to guide us through the next 5 years, He will provide with exactly what we need. Whether that’s in the Valley of the Sun, or in the lush hills of the wine country, or somewhere else entirely, it’s just a matter of trust.
It’s always a matter of trust. Trust, and love for the Lord above all else. The Lord may have opened my heart for a romantic love, but He has also shown his grace and power and kindness so fiercely for me in these past 2 years, that my love for Him, the King of kings, has only swelled infinitely as well.
And whatever you ask in prayer, you will receive, if you have faith
– Matthew 21:22