Here we are, a week-and-some-change in to a New Year, and already I’m slacking on my resolution to #BeABetterBlogger.
However, I’d like to think I have a pretty decent excuse.
I’ve been busy.
The first ten days of 2017 have been more of a whirlwind than I ever – and I repeat, ever – could have imagined. I’d like to pause here and insert a shout out to J & M, who have been incredibly supportive of said whirlwind. I’ve spent the first ten days of 2017 feeling a bit disoriented and a lot of a mess, but I think that the past few days have really solidified that old saying that “every storm runs out of rain.”
Let me offer a little background here.
I kicked off this year in the most wonderful way. I’m not a big New Years person, but this one was a good one. I’ll leave it at that.
However, despite the wonderfulness that was New Years Eve, right before 2016 came to a close, I got hit with some bad news. It’s not my news to share with the blogosphere, but suffice to say that it certainly rocked me a bit, and it sent my first few days of the new year into a tailspin. I found myself reexamining some decisions, questioning priorities, the whole 9 yards. It was as if God had put a big old, flashing sign up that said WAIT, and I had no choice but to obey.
And damn, I’m glad I did.
The results of that news gave me an opportunity to revisit some lingering “what ifs.” As some tough and, frankly, shitty decisions have made their way to me in the past few months, I’ve been stuck with this endlessly nagging feeling of wondering, “What if I chose differently?”
I prayed a lot about it. I prayed for guidance and for trust in that guidance, and I was lifted up by sweet souls who reminded me that God’s plan and our idea of the right plan are not always in line – and that’s the point. And so I kept trusting in His plan, or at least I felt like I did. I thought I was wholeheartedly trusting in the decisions I was led to make, but then this news came and shook me to my core and I very quickly realized – I wasn’t wholeheartedly trusting anything. I was still wondering, and, gracious as He is, God offered me the opportunity to look back at the lingering what if.
And you know what?
He proved Himself to me… yet again. By allowing me to retreat into the alternate reality of a different choice, He showed me that it would have been, flat out, the wrong one. It would have caused me more stress and heartache than I ever could have imagined, even if it might have been wrapped in a pretty little package.
It’s just amazing to me how, even in what seems like the most petty of problems, the most ridiculous of situations, and the least necessary priorities, He shows himself. And when it comes to the bigger things, He shows himself even stronger.
All of this realization came when I finally – finally – got back to church last Sunday.
So, basically, this is my long-winded way of saying that I’ve decided to completely revamp my New Years resolutions. Instead of focusing on a list of goals of things I want to accomplish this year, I’m going to put my entire energy into one thing: trust.
Trust in Him. Trust in myself. Trust in the plan. Trust in guidance.
2017 will be the year I learn to open my heart to trusting in what matters. Because there’s no point in wondering what if.