Have you ever had one of those moments where you just realize that you are completely, totally, blissfully content with life?
That happened to me this weekend.
I was sitting with my partner in crime, Kacie, in her kitchen. Her mother had just made us the best pulled pork sandwiches. We had spent the afternoon being the ultimate Arizona tourists, going from the candle shop to the soap shop to the olive oil shop – where, I will shamelessly admit, we spent a lot of time dipping artisan bread into exquisite olive oils that we were never going to buy.
We went for coffee at the most adorable, most Arizona-y beer and coffee shop. We sipped wine on the patio of an equally as adorable and Arizona-y wine cafe. We sipped more wine while listening to coyotes howl from her backyard.
Kacie and I were just sitting there, with her mom, talking about all sorts of things. We talked about religion, about politics, about traveling, about family, about weddings, about dresses, about future plans, about past plans, about past decisions, about literally everything under the sun.
And it struck me:
Now, I should make a disclaimer.
This is not the “I’m finally happy after the longest time” sort of happiness. I have spent most of this year extremely happy, actually. Yes, it’s been a transitional year, both personally and professionally. Yes, some decisions were not so easy and even downright heartbreaking in certain aspects. Yes, there have certainly been struggles that I’ve had to face, deal with, and move past.
Life is not a walk in the park, people.
And the happiness I am currently experiencing is because I have finally stopped expecting it to be.
I am supremely guilty of hanging on to this notion that everything has to feel good to be good. That sounds weird, but in my head it makes sense, so just bear with me.
Basically, I was convinced that I would know something was right because it would be easy. And that, my friends, was the issue.
I find myself now hanging on to a new notion: that not all things worth having come easily. I like to compare it to climbing a mountain – no one actually enjoys the physical aspects of climbing a mountain. What we enjoy is challenge, the accomplishment, and the reward of getting to the incredible view at the top with your endorphins racing and a smile beaming. We enjoy the rush. The result. It doesn’t mean we enjoyed every step of the climb.
So, no. Not everything lately has been the easiest. Working three weeks straight of overtime was exhausting. Physical therapy hurts. Breaking up with my boyfriend sucked. Being thousands of miles away from the people closest to me is hard.
But I’m still really freaking happy.
Because I’ve made the decision to be. I know I can handle anything that comes my way. I’ve handled the hardest parts of my life so far and I’ll continue to do so with whatever God feels like dealing out. Because ultimately, He knows the plans He has for me… what happens next is up to Him.
All I get to decide is how to feel about it. All of it. Even if it’s heartbreaking, even if it’s terrifying, even if it’s hard…
I’m choosing to be happy about it. Because, you know what? Life is beautiful, trust is comforting, and happiness? Well, it’s a pretty damn great feeling.